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Shouldering the Burden (closed RP with nagisahazikifree and detective-ryugazaki)


"I don’t want to come back!" Rei stood from the chair, and looked over at Nagisa with anger, just as he did the night before. "You think that your smile, your light tone, your hope… you thing all of these things will make me want to put myself through more pain!" He balled his hands into fists, and furrowed his eyesbrows further. "You shouldn’t have told me to call a doctor! You should have minded your own business! I would have gladly drowned, over feeling like I’m choking on air!" 

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He walked towards Nagisa, his face full of hurt- no longer anger. “Stop smiling! Stop telling me how much I matter! Stop calling me Rei-chan! Stop trying to make me feel better! I’m not your captain! I’m not a swimmer! I’m worthless! I’m stubborn! I’m illogical! I’m nothing to myself!” 

Anger, again. There were so many emotions going on right now. He gritted his teeth, and blinked back the tears threatening to fall. Rei slammed his fist against his wall, creating a dent, and knocking the picture off of the shelf, over his headboard. It fell, and the glass of the frame shattered. He then pushed Nagisa out of his room, slammed the door, and locked it. This was it for him.

Nagisa physically winced as Rei started screaming at him.  He knew he was upset but he didn’t exact that much anger.  His smile, of course, vanished right away as he stared at the megane with wide terrified eyes.  For a split second, Nagisa actually thought Rei would strike at him with his fist.  When it went into the wall instead he was only slightly relieved.

The blond looked over at the picture, paling as he saw the glass shatter.  He wanted to pick it up and yell back at Rei that it would be okay but he didn’t have the chance as the taller boy shoved him out of the room.  “Rei-chan!”  He screamed, turning around just as the door was slammed on him.  “Rei-chan, open the door!”  He pounding on it like before but this time it didn’t budge.  The tears were falling again.  “Rei-chan!!  Rei-chan!”


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Shouldering the Burden (closed RP with nagisahazikifree and detective-ryugazaki)


Rei felt so helpless, and childish. He nodded slowly, and covered his face with his hands. It all hurt so much. His heart, he could hear it, was breaking- shattering. No more tournaments? That sight would never be seen again. He would have savored his first sight longer, if he had known it would be his last. Makoto should have known that he would be a terrible captain, that he would be a problem on someone. Nagisa was that someone now. He had to do his job, because Rei had messed up.

Makoto shouldn’t have tried to save him. Whether or not that had anything to do with this, it didn’t matter. It was just a quick, and painful spiral downward from here on out. His breathing was shallower now, and his shoulders shook. 

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He was trying to keep it all in, to not explode again. His mind went to that very short fraction of time, that he had panicked, and found himself screaming on the floor, with a blond over him. Nagisa shouldn’t have to see him like that, Rei decided. Slowly, Rei got up, and went over to his desk chair. He sat down on it, and faced away from Nagisa. 

Even on that desk, he had swimming books, and a regimen. His eyes were full of tears at this point. “I’m not coming back to practice.” 

Nagisa wished he could read Rei’s mind right then.  What was he thinking?  It couldn’t have been good.  The way his posture was just told him that something darker was going on.  He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.  When the megane stood and went to the desk, Nagisa half expected him to yell some more.

When he didn’t right away, he thought maybe he’d gotten through some how.  A teeny tiny hopefully voice said that maybe- just maybe- Rei was going to agree to that.  He’d take it easy and by some miracle his shoulder would be good as new.  But all that was just wishful thinking.

'I'm not coming back to practice.' 

That’s what Rei just said wasn’t it?  Nagisa felt a shiver go from the top of his head down to his toes.  It was like that old saying of someone walking over your grave and you getting that creepy sensation down your spine.  That’s what he’d just felt.  It was as though Rei had just said ‘I quit’.  Not just on swimming but on life.

Nagisa prayed he was just being paranoid and over exaggerating.  “Rei-chan…”  Nagisa said in a breath.  “It…  It doesn’t have to be like that,” he said with a weak smile.  “You can come back.  We want you to come back.”


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Shouldering the Burden (closed RP with nagisahazikifree and detective-ryugazaki)


Rei walked back in, his shoulders tense, and his face red with embarrassment. He sat next to Nagisa on his bed, and stared at the floor. His whole room was full of swimming reminders. He had everything you could think of, when it came to the theory, and beauty of swimming. The picture of them, at the end of their last relay, with the whole team together, sat proudly on its own shelf, above the headboard of his bed.

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His eyes watered again. “Nagisa-kun… please… please let me swim…” He felt his shoulders shaking, as well as his hands. “I can’t lose that… I can’t become nothing… I can’t be reminded of this, if I can no longer participate. You have absolutely no idea what swimming is to me, and neither does Haruka-senpai, or Makoto-senpai… it’s not fun-… or at least, that’s not all of it. It’s not only that I enjoy it, and it’s not only the connections I have now… That’s part of it… but…” 

He sniffled, and wiped his eyes. “I need to be needed. That’s all I’m good for. What good are theories, and calculations, when no one cares? I need people to want me around… It’s illogical, but I feel like that doesn’t matter… I can’t handle it…!” 

Nagisa was a bit surprised when Rei came into the room.  Even more so when he came in so calmly.  The blond looked over at him, not sure if he should say something or not.  In the end, he felt it was better to keep quiet and just listen to what the megane had to say. 

He was asking permission to swim again?  Like a child who was apologizing for breaking their mother’s favorite vase; he sounded desperate.  Nagisa hated to hear him sound like that.  He didn’t want to be the one to say no.  He didn’t want to be the one to crush Rei’s dreams.  But he had to be strong, he had to be firm, or Rei would only get worse.

"Rei-chan, we still need you around.  We all care about you very much.  Swimming or no swimming, you’re part of the team and you mean everything to us.  When it’s winter time and there is no swim team, we still keep you around don’t we?"  He asked trying to lighten the mood.  Trying.  He went quiet after that, looking away so his eyes could focus on the photo.

They all looked so happy.  They hadn’t even won the competition but just the fact they were together was enough.  Couldn’t that be enough now too?  Taking a deep breath, Nagisa shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut to keep any tears back.  “You’re not going to swim again.  At least…  Not until your shoulder is better.  It doesn’t have to be completely better and you can’t compete in tournaments.  But you have to let it heal at least a little more before you get back in the water.”

Nagisa felt it was a decent compromise.  Rei should be proud of him!  He wasn’t saying no forever.  Just no temporarily.  “Y-you can still come to practice.  Help teach the new members about theory and team work.  I can teach the strokes and do the physical work and you can do the mental stuff.  Okay?”  It sounded fair to him but he highly doubted Rei would see it the same way.


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Shouldering the Burden (closed RP with nagisahazikifree and detective-ryugazaki)


Eri was a bit shocked, honestly. She wasn’t aware that her son loved swimming that much. Normally, she wouldn’t make Rei do anything he didn’t want to do. Who could say no, though, to Nagisa? She smiled at him, and nodded slowly. “If the doctor said he can’t swim anymore, and if you say it too, then I won’t allow Rei to continue. I don’t want him to hurt himself.” She stood up. “You’re more than welcomed to stay, Hazuki-kun. He may not act like it, but you said it yourself. Rei’s stubborn. And, he may even be angry right now, but he still-…” She blushed a bit. 

Rei had told her not to tell him, and that he would, when he was ready. Eri giggled quietly, and rubbed the back of her neck. “Do stay, please. Rei needs a friend, right now.” She bowed, and left the room.image

The megane was sitting on the couch, shoulders slouched, and tears in his eyes. He looked at his mother, when she came back. “I’m not going back in there.” Rei didn’t want the blond to see him like this. 

But, Eri made him to do so anyway. She explained that it was rude to ignore a guest.

Nagisa had no idea what Eri was talking about.  Rei still what?  He wanted to ask but he didn’t think now was the time.  So long as Rei got better, he didn’t care.  He watched her go, not sure what he should do.  She probably already called his parents and told them what was happening so staying over wouldn’t be a problem. 

He just wasn’t sure how long he should stay or if he was even welcomed anymore.  Either way, Nagisa figured he shouldn’t just stay on Rei’s bedroom floor so he slowly got up and looked around.  All of the books on swimming and perfecting strokes.  The photos of the swim team.  The little Iwatobi-chan carving Haru made.  It all seemed like a waste now.  Not that Nagisa would say it.

He sighed softly and sat down on Rei’s bed, burying his face in his hands.  The little shota boy just wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare.  He didn’t want to see Rei in pain anymore; physically, mentally or emotionally.  He just wished he could make it all go away but it didn’t work like that.


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Shouldering the Burden (closed RP with nagisahazikifree and detective-ryugazaki)


Rei wasn’t necessarily angry at Nagisa for telling his mother. It was the responsible thing to do, and under normal circumstances, the megane would have praised the blond for doing that. But, right now he felt slight irritation towards it. This was all wrong to him. Swimming was seriously self defining, and he had just lost a very important part of himself. Swimming also connected him with Nagisa, and that connection had been severed.

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"And, what did the doctor say, Hazuki-kun?" Eri offered a cup to Rei, who hesitantly took it with his good hand. 

"The doctor informed me that I am injured, and that I may not be on the team any longer. That’s what she said, but I am not having it." Rei put the tea on the coffee table, and stood up slowly, exiting his bedroom. 

Eri watched him, and then looked over to Nagisa, once Rei left. “Is… Is that true…? Rei’s been talking about swimming his last tournament with you for a while now, and… This can’t be happening…”

Nagisa was surprised Rei even told her that much.  When he got up and walked out of the room, the blond sighed and set his own cup of tea down.  “It’s true,” he admitted though to words felt foreign to him.  If he admitted Rei’s problem then it was like it really was the end for them.  Without swimming they’d have nothing.

"Rei-chan…  He’s been hurting himself because he loves swimming so much.  And the doctor doesn’t want him to swim anymore," he frowned a bit, "neither do I.  Rei-chan almost drowned yesterday because his shoulder gave out while he was swimming.  I don’t want to see that happen again," he said looking over at her with concern in his eyes.

"Eri-sama…  Will you make him rest?"  He asked- no- begged from the woman.  "Rei-chan is stubborn, and he won’t listen to me.  Will you make sure he gets better?" 

He didn’t want to leave  He wanted to stay there forever.  But he didn’t think Rei wanted him there.  In fact, it was clear he didn’t want him there.  Nagisa just wasn’t sure if that was Rei talking or the pain.


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Make me choose between ___________ or __________.



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transparent swimming boyfriends (●´∀`●)


spoopy-junjouchara:

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I made more °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


spoopy-junjouchara:

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What’s one thing you’ve been dying to ask the mun?


(Source: aboyofmanyfandoms)


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Working on drafts~  I have 6 in the queue and 5 to still get to.

Also, I lost a follower.  It was my munday pic wasn’t it?  XD